Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lost Boys
JR has been attending 3 hours of summer program every week the last 2 weeks. It's great to be able to have some scheduled free time on Tuesday mornings. I have decided that with the limitations of having BabyJames with me, i should just stay home and do something to nourish my grey matters..sometimes all the Twittering, Facebooking and Emailing can be just time fillers and serves no purpose other than virtual socialising.
So Tuesday mornings are now my 'netflix' days (for those of you unfamiliar with the american life, Netflix is the online DVD rental service, akin to Blockbuster found in ole blighty).
Last Tuesday I watched a documentary called Kindertransport - in a nutshell, about the first large scale organised rescue plan by the british government to take jewish children out of Hitler's Germany and relocate them into english homes.
What i watched this week was short of heart-wrenching. A documentary about the 'lost boys' of Sudan - called God Grew Tired Of Us. It tracks the lifehood of a few Sudanese child refugees from their arrival at the UN refugee camp in Kenya to their relocated destinations in the US...a 5 year journey to find a new place to call home.
My lack of eloquence to describe the real life stories of these young men will not do it justice - you will simply have to find the means to watch the movie (co produced by Pitt and narrated by Kidman) in order to fully appreciate the emotional upheaval and scars endured by these young lives.
There was an interview segment in the documentary where one of the boys explained to the camera that 'walking around in this little town in America where i live, i get funny looks because some days i choose to wear my traditional costume of my motherland...but i wish they know that i have been a boy without home for over ten years moving from camp to camp - so when i have a place here in America, i want to hang on to every little bit of culture i remember from my motherland because i have no parents, no siblings, no roots - all i have is my culture'.
It was poignant to say the least - i for one have been guilty of subtle biased of folks not blending into the culture of their new country - i am of the mind that if you live in england, dress like you live in england - not pakistan, not bangladesh. Blend in and be part of society, not stand out and create your own little country in the very place that welcomes you in.
And yet here is this young man explaining to the audience that for most of these refugees - they have nothing but culture that they try to preserve.
Humbling and a learning point for my prejudiced mind.
Ms J at 7:04 PM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sleeping in my Nightmares, Waking up to my dreams
The last 3 weeks i have been having nightmares in my sleep. I would dread going to bed because i dont know what is about to overcome me and take over my sleeping mind. My nightmares are often related to anxieties, fear, loud screams, thoughts of hopelessness..
Being mauled by a tiger, trying to make an escape from prison and being put back in, rape, teeth broken into pieces, mouth full of blood, falling off airplanes, house ablaze and me watching helplessness hearing cries of help from inside...so many.
I would often wake up by BabyJames' usual 53oam hungry cry and often, half dazed in between asleep still trying to escape whatever the night's horror presented me, and half awake trying to get to the baby..i would find myself disoriented.
I'd lift the little guy up and shoo him to stop crying and that's when am truly awake..and realise the tiger, the blazing house, the falling airplane, the rapists..those were all nightmares...and that what i have in my arms - that little crying baby - is my reality.
The dream i had always wished for - that is the reality.
But why to consistent nightmares? i have tried to look into my subconscious - to asses my life objectively - to see what's been troubling me, in my deep inner psyche perhaps but i cannot honestly see anything 'missing'.
I have always been grateful for this dream that i lead, done my part with charity both here and in Malaysia - openly and anonymously, tried to lead my life with some element of humility, said some prayers in my thoughts - though not praying or fasting, tried as best i can to be a good person all around.
What is lacking? What is telling about all these nightmares?
Ms J at 6:06 PM
Fitness is the new Fad
We've been pretty committed to the 'fitness lifestyle' lately. I say ''lifestyle" because over here in colorado, you're in if you're running marathons, pushing double strollers on the tracks and drinking organic fruit smoothies and talking Nikes and Brookes..But seriously, MrJ --having seen my current weightloss from working out, had signed himself u for the gym;s Biggest Loser Contest, and is now working out with his trainer 4 times a week and has decided instead of golfing with his oil field buddies - who drink on the links, smoke cigars and use the golf cart to get around the 18 holes, has been hanging out with our trainer on sundays to golf...Corey WALKS all 18 holes with his golf set and drinks WATER .
On my part, in support and solidarity for MrJ's weight loss commitment, has been cooknig the same damn grilled chicken every single night. its grilled chicken or tofu for dinner.
Very exciting not.
We join the American Heart Association charity walk in downtown denver recently and ran together, alternating pushing the double stroller. It was a fun day out and now, we've signed ourselves up for a 5K run at the Invesco Stadium on Father's Day. Makes a welcome change frm the usual Father's Day activities, i think.
I told MrJ that the smell of his sweat and smelly armpits after his workouts is a definite turn on. A big fat lie of course but anything to get that man off the couch and in his workout gear.
I am still able to keep my weight off despite enjoying my ice cream desserts and cakes..how can that be? maybe all the running around in the house after 2 boys actually helps with the metabolic rate. I also had my bodyfat measurements taken using some fancy impendance machine and it's looking fairly decent.
Now that i have this fitness thing down to a tee for now, i have started weaning off the anti-depressant medications. I take 10mg of Lexapro once every 3 days instead of my daily intake.
So far, i have not had those dark clouds appear..but i do have some extremely bad bad dreams, which i will write about in my next posting. I dont know if it's a withdrawal symtom from the meds or if i have some underlying issues i need to address.
I hope to blog more frequently from now on, but with shorter postings. I am just too verbose sometimes and have a lot to share in my web jounals. So much to tell you guys..like how horrible JR's poop is these days, such that i have got us a kickass air purifier system that i had to turn on full blast when i change his diaper. I guess this is a sign of that impending potty training phase...which bring me to my next story about JR's summer program in august...that, for an extra fee, will teach your child to potty train. nice.
Ms J at 7:14 AM
Saturday, May 30, 2009
John-ism
It's so much fun to hear a 2.6 year old toddler learn to speak. He has quite got to the 'WHY' stage yet, but he sure is a little parrot repeating everything he hears....my name : Chewn
his name : Don
please : piss
help please : harpis
thank you : tay tiu
dvd: dididi
nap : nappers
Fireman Sam: farfursam
chocolates: chocxi
spoon: poon
habis (his first malay word): ah-bay
fork: FARK (?!!!)
***********************
i told my trainer i wanted a 'swim-suit ready' body and so he got me lifting 30lb weights today.
after almost dying at the gym - interspersing grunts of arrghh and conversation about Islam (me), Buddhism (him), and Mormornism , i headed straight out to mcDonalds for a greasy burger.
i found a 14 year old girl as my 'mommy's helper'...she charges $7 per hour for my two kids while i run on the treadmill upstairs/do my ironing / laundry / facebook and twitter.
i got myself a 50 year old grandma who charges $12 per hour to watch my kids while i do errands outside the house.
i got myself a 15 year old girl as my backup who charges $10 per hour and can come anytime anyday on short notice.
and this is why you see american teenagers owning ther own car by 16...it's all from babysitting money from desperate moms like me. The summer is looking good with some help.
Ms J at 5:02 PM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Running from the 'runs'
i'd like to say thanks to thoughtful readers and friends who read this blog and sent me links and information regarding charity work and organisations. i have read them all and wish i am prosperous of Greek tycoon proportions to give to those in need..but as we know, that is not the right attitude to have. you do not have to be wealthy to be involved in charity just as you do not have to be rich to have a will :-).so i read with interest an organisation called KIVA - proponents of the concept of micro-financing where you loan a small amount (as little as 25USD) to an entrepreneur in a 3rd world country to help him/her to kickstart the business. There is a clear loan repayment system in place and KIVA as the 3rd party will keep track of your interest-free loan to the entreprenuer. you get to choose who you loan to - gender, continent, nature of business/education, age group.
how wonderful this concept is. Unlike the Food Bank i am currently involved in where you donate food outright, this is a gift of opportunity....because the harsh reality is, no man is created equal. This is not to trivialise foodbanks and donations of cans of soup - afterall, without basic sustenance of food and shelter, there is no hope for a bigger dream ...so in my opinion, both are equally important. you give fish and you teach the needy how to fish.
www.kiva.org
on a separate, more self indulgent note, we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last weekend. a good friend was kind enough to have our kids stay overnight at their house, leaving us all night to wine, dine and be merry sans children.
MrJ and I celebrated our anniversary with a first - we had molecular gastronomy at The Westin. i have never had lavender infused ice cream prepared by the chef at the table using liquid nitrogen among other unmentionables but it was tasty and an exciting experience. give me simple fresh produced meals anytime though...the less pretentious the better. you've got to try something at least once to know what the fuss is about though.
we came home ready for a romantic evening - alas my fragile stomach from a few days earlier decided to act up and i spent more hours that night in the toilet than in bed. my poor randy hubby will have to take a rain cheque on the 'nafkah batin'.
The next day i went to a charity hi-tea in the university town of Boulder in aid of Boulder's twin-city in Tajikistan called Dushanbe. A group of Boulder entrepreneurs are trying to help set up a cyber cafe in Dushanbe from the proceeds of the charity tea and fashion show.
It was interesting to see women of all ages and sizes parading clothes from XXX. ...tall, skinny, rotund, plump, chubby, petite, blonde, red haired...every woman were duly represented...except the best kind... short 'montel' dark skinned asian.
i was approached of course, to partake in next year's fashion-show hi tea. how exciting.
Ms J at 11:59 AM
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The Race to the Finish Line
So i successfully completed my first 5k about a week ago...and boy what a buzz it was to get to the finish line. I didnt do too badly for a newbie runner who's never put on running shoes until 6 months ago - clocking in at 36:42...and i reminded myself the competition is between me and my stamina..not with the person ahead.
it started out pretty hard going - the night before i hosted a birthday party for a friend - so i woke up with a hangover. It was cold and windy at 7am and i didnt think i was gonig to see 500 people at a small local run but there i arrived, sans makeup, did not brush my teeth or my hair, and there was some all decked out in their runner's best...
i am almost certain if i had a chance to put on my lippy, i'd run better and faster.. :-)
the first picture above is of me and my running trainer - DC - who came out 2nd place in his age category. he is the sole person who talked me into doing this race and many more in the future. he was, and one would not have thought so looknig at his scrawny physic - an obese 300 pounder once upon a time until he decided enough is enough.
apart from the exhilirating sight of the finishing line (how cool was it to have strangers cheer you on towards the end), i also had the memorable experience of using the Port-A-Potty for the first time. it was gross to the n-th degree and i would rather put on adult diapers in my future runs than have to use one of those again.
grossology maximus
so there you have it..something i wanted to do for myself as J...not as someone's wife, someone's mom..just for my own self satisfaction and now i look forward to my next 5K run in 2 week's time to shave off my minutes...
Ms J at 5:31 PM
