<INCONDITUS>

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Sleeping in my Nightmares, Waking up to my dreams

The last 3 weeks i have been having nightmares in my sleep. I would dread going to bed because i dont know what is about to overcome me and take over my sleeping mind. My nightmares are often related to anxieties, fear, loud screams, thoughts of hopelessness..

Being mauled by a tiger, trying to make an escape from prison and being put back in, rape, teeth broken into pieces, mouth full of blood, falling off airplanes, house ablaze and me watching helplessness hearing cries of help from inside...so many.

I would often wake up by BabyJames' usual 53oam hungry cry and often, half dazed in between asleep still trying to escape whatever the night's horror presented me, and half awake trying to get to the baby..i would find myself disoriented.

I'd lift the little guy up and shoo him to stop crying and that's when am truly awake..and realise the tiger, the blazing house, the falling airplane, the rapists..those were all nightmares...and that what i have in my arms - that little crying baby - is my reality.

The dream i had always wished for - that is the reality.

But why to consistent nightmares? i have tried to look into my subconscious - to asses my life objectively - to see what's been troubling me, in my deep inner psyche perhaps but i cannot honestly see anything 'missing'.

I have always been grateful for this dream that i lead, done my part with charity both here and in Malaysia - openly and anonymously, tried to lead my life with some element of humility, said some prayers in my thoughts - though not praying or fasting, tried as best i can to be a good person all around.

What is lacking? What is telling about all these nightmares?

Ms J at 6:06 PM

4Readers Had Their Say...

4 Comments

at June 17, 2009 9:17 PM Anonymous said...: There are some sites about dream analysis such as:
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/
http://www.sleeps.com/
http://www.freedreaminterpretation.co.uk/

No, I haven't tried any (but then again I haven't had vivid nightmares for a while). Hope any of them will help.

Adek Fàbregas
at June 18, 2009 9:15 AM Anonymous said...: Thank you for being so frank and open. In doing so, take all comments with a pinch of salt as only you know what is best for you. So, here's my take on your post: your dreams strongly suggest the adverse reactions you can experience from sudden withdrawal of the medication you have been prescribed. The official recommendation is that when symptoms resolve, one should continue treatment for at least 6 months and then GRADUALLY withdraw under the supervision of a physician. Your body is reacting to the sudden withdrawal of your medication. Please contact your doctor asap and recount in chronological order what you have experienced (reduction of meds, dreams etc). Please do not increase the meds on your own and seek the advice of your physician. Hope this helps and you get a good night rest soon.
Keep us updated. :) Fan
at June 18, 2009 1:20 PM Dura said...: Only one word to answer all your questions ==>'LEXAPRO' aka the 'happy pills'. Take care June. Go and make an appointment with your doc ASAP.
at June 18, 2009 7:35 PM Ms J said...: thank you thank you thank you - for the good links as well as the advise to seek doctor's help (i think you are in the medical field? you sound very elequent in the matter :-)

i appreciate the input and have decided to be back on Lexapro until i see my doctor next week for discussion.