Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Pouf Has Landed
oh, i was going to write about my delayed LAX-Taipei flight, the rambunctious toddler i had to handle inflight who insist on walknig up and down the aisles to say hello and peekaboo to everyone, the crap on my white pants (his, not mine), the insanity of wearing white pants to travel on a 28 hour journey, the humidity that greeted us in Taipei - hot enough that babyJ insisted on putting his cheeks on the tiled floor of the transit lounge, the wonderful 'back to motherland' feeling as i touched down...i was going to write about all that but instead i will whinge and whine about how pouffy my hair is today.a short bob with 90% humidity in the air is like water and oil. i dont know how i managed all those years living in KL..probably a 2nd-mortage worth of hair serum i am sure. but today, my hair, despite a flat iron treatment...is as pouffy as an 'apom balik' can be. with my round belly, and round pouffy short bob, waddling on the pavement pushing a stroller to KLCC..i look like a football with lipstick.
the hotel is nicer than i had imagined for the price we paid - nasi lemak (local breakfast delicacy) wrapped in banana leaves, roti canai (malaysian pancakes) handmade stretched and pulled mamak style - met a nice Puerto Rican VP of an oil company sourcing business here..now if i am single (and have non-pouffy hair), i would have switched on what needs to be switched on .. but all i can talk about with him and his business partner is ...my husband this and my husband that.
Which brings me to my 2nd story. everything is nice and fun and lovely but by golly, i miss MrJ..enough said.
He had gone to the shooting range today to fill up his day and he'd better remember what i told him 10000 million times...dont kill anything alive, shoot only clay pigeons..because i dont want to give birth to a kid that looks like a pheasant, a duck or a cayote. i have an unexplainable list of superstisions when when pregnant..and i am not big on bloodsport. one day when the stars and planets align in the cosmos, i will turn my husband form a redneck republican to a raging liberal democrat....
Which ties nicely to my 3rd topic...liberals and US elections. My man Barrack Obama - the inevitable people's choice is in Denver today. i had finished reading an article on his mother - the MidWest white woman who married an african ivy-league phD scholar, divorced, moved to indonesia to do field work for the World Bank and forgo her children so they have a better education in the US...what an amazing woman to have raised a man like Barrack - he may not end up being the next President of the USA (because bigotry well and alive in the USA) but he has sure give true meaning to the American Dream..
This is us knackered and knocked out by 8am on arrival day..while my 2 lovely friends who came to greet us chatted quietly in the room.
the picture above is of BabyJ and my kid sister. on his lap is a toy cat he found at Isetan Toy Department that he absolutely refused to let go, while going 'woof woof'! afer paying an effin overpriced RM90 for the darn hairy lifeless creature, BabyJ bore of it within the hour.
I think i shall e-bay it asap lest US customs think i have smuggled in dead cat for my chinese restaurant stirfry.
Ms J at 5:32 AM
Monday, May 26, 2008
T-1 to Motherland
i am all bung-ed up with a cold and BabyJ is coughing and dripping green snot...this is going to make an interesting 28 hour flight homebound.
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my obgyn gave me prescription medication for my neasea - Zafran - that is safe for pregnancy.
It cost a whopping USD30 per tablet...my body instantly reacted to it by getting better. no fainting spells, no dizziness, not much lethargy...all from the placebo of having an overpriced prescription medication i can run to the pharmacist for. i quite like the way my body works - i can hold my pee and poo for 30 hours until i find a clean toilet (to much information?)..and now, i can get instnatly healthier/better when my back account is threatened by an exceedingly pricey medicine.
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I had a lovely Girls Lunch out and PreNatal massage as a belated Mother's Day treat. It felt refreshing to have a good ole natter with some lady friends, and leave the babies and husbands behind. I kept feeling though that i had misplaced BabyJ somewhere, or that i should be carrying a much bigger bag then a purse. When leaving the restaurant, i kept thinking i should go fetch the stroller from the cloakroom...after 16 months of motherhood, my mind's on MommyMode as default setting.
The prenatal massage was great but i kept thinking of how much i used to spend on 'Kak Edah' my indonesian massage lady who can knead and pull and sculpt your body for 90 minutes at a charge of RM35..that's under about USD10!
MrJ is good with his hands and knows jsut where and how to loosen my tired muscles and knots..if only he doesnt expect a 'happy ending' for himself and reward for the massage.
So in view of that, i will have to continue forking out a week's grocery shoppnig for my prenatal massage.
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A friend of mine - a fellow SAHM - has decided to enrol her 16 month old son into Primrose School - an accredited chain of schools nationwide. For 2 halfdays , it cost USD 170 per week in fees. Thats a lot of moolahs for a middle income family like us. Naturally, i wondered if we too should consider Primrose School for BabyJ - not only will it give me some quality one to one time with the new baby, but also hopefully help in BabyJ's socialisation and most importantly, his speech development.
But at USD170 per week?
Then i am thinking, well , we can get downgrade our cars, stop buying fancy tech gadgets, cut down on trips to Malaysia, reduce our holiday budget, minimse eating out...etc... and decided Primrose School is not for us. Not just because the fees are prohibitive but also because i am not sure i want my child to be growing up mixing only with the haves, the privileged and the well-to-do.
There is an argument for public / state funded schools and that is that it help my child integrate into the real world...where you meet people from all of life's background and social issues. Keeping your child grounded is part of the challenge is parenting and i dont want BabyJ to think most things can be taken for granted.
The big challenge at this stage when my kid is not even 2, is for me not to feel pressured to keep up with the jones-s..which is an easy pitfall when you hear of people in your circle doing this and that for their kids, sometimes overzealously in their race for the 'Best Parent Award'. I need to have more confident (and conviction) that the choices i made for BabyJ are the right ones for our parenting style - minus the pressure of advertising and social circle.
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Our 2nd wedding anniversary was spent at a hotel. it was meant to be a romantic Friday night but alas BabyJ came down with a cold and we could not possibly have a friend babysit him and risk infecting her son too. So my romantic night lacks any form of action bar BabyJ jumping on the fluffy pillows. Like a puppy, he slept between us and the only romantic gesture we had was sleeping thru the night holding hands across his little body.
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Due to my Tokwan's ill health and consequent passing, the proposed ToBeTwo birthday party venue had to be changed to take into account my aunt's (who originally agreed to co-host the party) berievement. So last week, i was frantically in a limbo between cancelling the party altogether or find an alternative venue.
Somehow, a Burger King/McDonald's party venue does not appeal much to me - the idea of junk food for kids and adults doesnt get my party groove going. Then again, hosting a 2 year old's party at the hotel where i will be staying seems unnecessarily lavish and over the top....
An so i was worried and undecided, until my dear friend offered her beautiful house and garden for the party. good luck and good will come in many forms - sometimes it is jsut as simple as a friend offering her kindness .
Ms J at 10:22 PM
My Tokwan
My paternal grandfather - my TokWan - passed way yesterday at the ICU in Perlis. I am his first grandchild as my father is his first son. He originates from Southern Thailand and worked hard in the fields to feed 13 children. I used to be close to him when i was a little girl - going over to their house, staying nights, eating durians and jackfruits , chasing chickens, eating the same chickens i chased for lunch the same day - i remembered my tokwan smelling of rolled up tobacco all of his life. The same tobacco that brought him to the grave.The picture above was the last meeting i had with him - back in 2004. He was never the patronising elder, giving me unsolicited advise to settle down with a nice decent malay man and put on the hijab to make me a 'marketable' divorcee etc..all he had said when acknowledging my 2nd breakup was 'one day you will find someone good for you and all this will disappear, dont you worry.' Of course, he said it to me in Malaay, in our northern dialect - which somehow made those words more poignant, carries more weight - like a promise of the future, that he can see for me.
He was also the kindest to my mother - when most elders from my father's side of the family admonish her for what they miscontsrued to be her snobbery. And for that, i will always be thankful to him for being the 'softer' side of 'the inlaws' as my mother puts it.
So i am sad to hear of his passing. I had called my aunt to pass my goodwill messages to him but i think he was already in a coma by then. I told her to say it to him anyways, even in his sleep because i am convinced he can hear.
Rest In Peace tok wan.
Ms J at 9:16 AM
Friday, May 23, 2008
My Motherland-bound happy tune
This is my absolute favourite Malay song currently - not a new song but a definte happy hum tune. I play it often enough on my ipod speakers that even BabyJ has learnt to swing his head left and right Stevie Wonder style to this tune.I met MrJ's immediate boss yesterday guess where..at my driveway (that blasted negative karma place) - totally unprepared as i had not a speck of powder or a touch of lipcolour on. Must sit MrJ down and explain to him to concept of pre-warning vain wife of impending visit by office colleagues.
Anyways, this boss of his used to work in Sumatra for several years so when he greeted me, the first words that came out of his mouth was 'Apa Khabar Ibu'...and in my unprepared state of mind, i thought ''huh? i am not your mother!'.
Luckyly, i had managed to quickly re-composed myself, invited him in, openly and blatantly blamed BabyJ for all the mess in the living room (the privileges of having a toddler, surely) and made small talk.
Well, small talk with an agenda actually - isnt that what wives do? So we spoke about the nice expat life in Asia, and i mentioned 'oh, wouldnt it be lovely if MrJ gets transferred to his company office in Beijing, because my sister is studying there...' and a little of the 'but wouldnt it be even better if he gets a post in your Tel Aviv office, because that's the only way my husband can get me to obtain an american passport..yada yada' (FYI Malaysian passport expressly prohibit entry into Israel)
so, within the 20 minute small talk , in which i had neglected my good-hostess manners to offer drinks or cookies, i had at least expressed MY interest, if not Mr J's interest...to be transferred not to Housten (the natural progession in his career path), but to China or Israel.
Not that my 20 minute speel may make any difference in the larger scheme of things but as they say...a happy mommy makes a happy baby, a happy wife, makes a satisfied husband in bed'....
Ms J at 6:15 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A Creature of Habit
Am having another bad neaseaus lethargic day - bad enough i had to send babyJ to a friend's house for a couple of hours so i can nap uninterrupted and he gets to play outdoors with a playmate. MrJ is on a business trip so i am on my own handling everything - am too quesy to drive to the grocery store so BabyJ is back on formula (the left over cans), a regression from his whole milk routine.
sigh
what can i say - this downer ill health though i know should not last through out the term of the pregnancy, feels indefinite. I am certainly not bonding with the baby i carry - i will go as far as saying (though it is not a very maternal thing to declare) i am resenting it for turning my world , and babyJ's , upsidedown.
I feel no tenderness, deep love or affection to it - despite having 2 sonograms and being able to see it moving, its heartbeat pumping away.
My solace through all this is reminding myself i am doing this for BabyJ - so he has a sibling, that unbreakable bond with another when his parents are long gone. So i am waiting - for the neasea, lethargy and morning sickness to leave me alone, and i wait, for the maternal love or at least, some sense of protective spirit to overcome my being.
And in the mean time, this foetus continue to be a parasite in my body - not my words, but a medical analogy, that it has a way of protecting itself naturally, taking all of your body's nutrients and energy, leaving you with leftovers to see thorugh your day because this foetus is made stronger than you can imagine. even without its mother's bond and kindred spirit, it will survive physically - like a parasite.
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Last night at 3am babyJ woke up crying in his crib, perhaps from a bad dream (do babies dream? do they have 'imagination' even without the experience of life?) so i took him into my bed. He was restless, that is, until i decided to say some prayers out loud to my mother - remembering an anon comment in my recent posting about my mother's death and the dreams i had recently.
He stopped crying and was mesmerised by what little Quranic verses i can muster. It probably sounded like a new lullaby to him, in foreign tongue. But he feel back to sleep soon after.
Which left me wondering yet again about my religious faith - or lack of. Now you can romanticise the scenario and think 'this is a sign! open your heart up to God'...or, like me, you wonder if we are all creatures of habit , and always revert to the familiar, be it reading the psalm , the quranic verses or a non-denominational chant...because it soothe you. Like a baby who needed to hear a familiar tune or voice, to make it all better.
Whatever it was (because i'd rather be getting on with the business of living, then dwelling into theological analysis), i had only managed to sleep 2 hours later, with the conclusion that i am one of those timid ones with her one foot in each doors - not quite denouncing one's born-into religon and not quite a full fledge practising one. I just am and will have a hard time answering that question at the Pearly Gates... and again, here we are working on the premise that there is such a thing as the afterlife.
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Pictures of hot air ballooon at our housing community 'park festival' taken by my friend T
Ms J at 6:38 AM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Pukey Quesy Me
Unlike my 1st pregnancy, where i was consumed with anxiety attacks about the health of the baby (loyal readers of Inconditus will attest to the numerous blog postings indulging in that), this 2nd pregnancy find me nervous about morning sickness on a daily basis. I wake up in the mornings wondering if it will be 'one of those days', or if BabyJ will get lucky and find a smiling active mom instead.
When i meet my friends who have 3, 4, 5 kids and also have to go to work, stop me before i stoop down to kiss their feet...i could not do this again and certainly not with a job to hold as well.
After numerous last minute apologetic cancellations, i know better than to commit to any playdates, meetups in the mornings, when i feel the most quesy. I used to pride myself that while carrying babyJ, despite a timultious 1st trimester - relocating, finishing up my job in KL, long distance travel, berievement etc - not once did i get morning sickeness.
well hey ho, payback's a bitch and now i am like an inflatable ragdoll - walking around the house slumped with tiredness. Inflatable because i am puffing up like a hellalump - big belly, chubby arms (dinja notice in the picture above?) ...the works.
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My KL schedule is near full now and i want to limit my meetups to just one per day so i dont get tired out. My friends have been good sports - offering to either pick us up from the hotel (to avoid crazy cabs with no babycarseats) or come have lunch/dinner with me at KLCC. By the end of my stay, i would have explored all the stalls at the foodcourt!
I still have no idea when my father will arrive from Penang - if at all. My brother is applying for annual leave, so he can drive him over but if his leave application is rejected, i dont think my dad has a contingency plan..like getting on a flight to get here for example. Are we really from the same kin? I am big on plan Bs and plan Cs. So i have no clue if he will come, which weekend, for how long..and if at all.
Unlike last year, when i deliberately freed up 3 days on my KL stay for him to spend time with his grandson, and was sorely disappointed with the 6 hours endowed on us.....i know better than to put such expectations on him now. So i proceed with my own plans and continue fillnig up my schedule with people who are able to commit instead.
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This afternoon, i opened the front door so BabyJ can spend some time to play out in the driveway. I had only just turned my back for one second when i realised he had RAN out onto the street...and a car was driving towards him.
I ran, i shouted, i screamed for him to stop....my natural instinct took the better of me and found myself running towards the car - subconsciously thinking i'd rather the car hit me than babyJ...better to have my child be motherless than make me be bury my child.
lucky for all of us, the car screeched to a stop. The mini drama turn knots in my stomach - if i was to have a miscarriage, that moment would have been it.
This is the 2nd scary incident in a week - not only am i now scared to drive, i am also scared to go out to my driveway.
what is happening to me? does everyone else go through a week of misadventures occasionally or have i lucked out and my bubble of good fortune has finally burst?
Ms J at 4:52 PM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Stupidiest Fender Bender Ever
I have just committed the stupidiest ever fender bender, thank goodness it was not the worst. Didnt run over a kid, kill a dog, hit someone else's car so could have been worst but this has got to be the stupidiest yet in my book of Stupid Is As Stupid Does.
This afternoon, to give MrJ some quite time, I decided to take babyJ to BabiesRUs. We said good bye to MrJ, who said his usual 'be careful on the road hon', then got into my car. I adjusted the seats, opened the garage door via remote, checked the rear view mirror and reversed.
then ...crash boom bang!
I backed into MrJ's parked car on our driveway. And all i could say was 'oh my god oh my god oh my god'
I got out and saw a big dent on the driver rear door. Mr J came out, quietly gave me a hug, asked if i was alright, and whipped out his cell to call the insurance folks...like he has done this a thousand times over..or like he knew this will one day happen.
I have sobbed buckets all the while he was on the phone explaining to the claims agent that 'my wife hit my car..in the driveway, our driveway....'. BabyJ, confused, had come to soothe me bringing his bottle of milk and stroking my back.
I feel so stupid, so frustrated with myself for what had happend. MrJ's car is always parked at the same spot for the last 2 years, i have been a driver for the last 8 months, i wasnt rushing to the store, i didnt have a wailing baby distracting me while i reversed, i wasnt even in my 3rd trimester (where your judgement can be a little iffy).....
i was just me. and hence things like this happen. i could not believe the sheer stupidity.
And of course, as a new driver in the US, this will push our insurance premium up by A LOT. and fixing 2 dented BMWs under one insurance policy will be exorbitant - deductibles not withstanding. I feel so angry with myself i cannot get over what i had caused us both.
MrJ said its only money but its not..its money going down the drain because i was careless. I totally dont deserve anything special for the next 6 months . perhaps i should work nights at Costco shelving cans of mushroom soup and cartons of frozen dinner to earn some extra dough and pay back MrJ for this stupid fender bender - perhaps that will make me feel better about washing down a couple of hard earned thousand dollars down the drain because I WAS CARELESS.
My name is S. S for Stoopid.
lest i repeat the same antics again, against someone else's car, i am planning to stay in, not drive for a couple of weeks.
Note to other drivers: ALWAYS open your garage door before you get into your car - that way you are reminded of what you will be backing up into.
Ms J at 4:13 PM
bet-ah
For 2 days after the incidence in the loo, i was weak and queesy. I cancelled all plans for mummy and me yoga class, the library and grocery shopping, turned off the phone, ignored text messages and had a good bedres while BabyJ ran riot in the house like king of the jungle.
On that Friday, we headed out to Vail, a skiing village about 2.5 hours' drive away for MrJ's annual golf and shoot tournament. It was offpeak season so not only do we enjoy a quiet sunny weekend away but also bright cheery non-tourist prices for hotel and restaurant rates.
I think the change of air (at an elevation of over 11,000 feet aboce sealevel) did me good.
Tomorrow I have a specialist appointment for a routine '1st Trimester Screening for Advanced Maternity' test - also known as the check up for old mothers..additional scans for 35 year olds and upwards. It is not quite a full blown amnicentesis but will partially determine condition of foetus - chances of down syndroms and spini bifida. I am naturally nervous with a head full of 'what -ifs'.
When i am nervous, i have disturbed sleep and last night i dreamt that my mother died for the 2nd time and that people around her was just kicking her muslin-wrapped body about with no respect. I was crying out loud asking everyone to stop but no one can hear my voice. It was a strange dream and i woke up with dried up tears.
I wonder if dreams send hidden messages from one soul to another. a medium to communicate...or if it is simply a sign that your mind is not at rest.
Ms J at 1:50 PM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Blackout in Looville
I had quite a dramatic start to the day today - at 7am soon after my decaff coffee, i felt my internals rumbling and growling. I gave babyJ his morning snack and rushed to the loo for what i thought was my routine 'boardmeeting at the chambers'.I suddenly started feeling woozy and sick and everything in my 'meeting room' was swirling in technocolor - the sink, the handtowel, the flush handle, the decorative wall hanging, the light, the ventilation fan...they all come to live.
Next thing i know my neck was hurting bad (my head was wedged between the wall and the top of the loo padestal), my glasses half falling off my face and i saw BabyJ with his plastic toy golf stick poking me on my lap trying to wake me up.
I realised then that i had had a blackout. I looked at my watch and it was 7:45am - i must have passed out for at least 30 minutes and bless my little angel, he had gotten on his tippy toe to open the toilet door and was poking his mommy to wake her up. I have to say, on a funny note - he was quite clever enough to figure that if mommy's sitting on the throne with her pajama bottom down to her ankle, she's doing an 'icky poo' so he had the good sense not to touch me with his bare hands.
I later got myself cleaned and felt sick again, running to the sink to throw up. the first of my 2 vomits of the day. Many gingerales, an iron tablet, lots of water later i gradually felt better and poor BabyJ was just bored out of his wits having to watch BabyEinstein dvds again and again and again. My neighrbours were concerned as was my MIL who all called on an hourly basis - very nice of them but i needed to nap uninterupted.
BebyJ mirrored my poor health by not wanting to eat much and in my desperation to get some food in his tummy, i slapped on a thick layer of Nuttella on brown bread and he happily devoured his chocolate spread (and probably discovering the trick of 'battle of the will' along the way).
My low iron/potasium induced anemic condition has obviously come back after a 2 year hiatus. I recalled the last time i passed out was in a bathtub all alone in my KL apartment.
I am just so thankful that i was not driving with a baby on board when this happened.
Lets hope for better health for me - i think i have not been taking care of myself asm uch as i did when i was pregnant with babyJ. This is a classic 'second baby' syndrom - you think you know it all having done it all once before....and here's al ittle nudge from some power out htere that i must treat this pregnancy with as much seriousness and weight as i did my first.
So the mood of the day, after all that drama is THANKFUL .
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A couple of days earlier we were invited to dinner at a friend's house. She had cooked a lovely Thai dish with some exotic Vietnamese appertiser. Did i mention that she's pure bred american?
I couldnt cook such lovely dishes from scratch even if i tried so my head bow in shame that this manhattanite has the confidence to serve asian dishes to an asian guest when i dont have the balls to serve asian dishes to a caucasian at a dinner party..at least not witohut resorting to my packets of brahims' and lee kum kees.
I must now sign up for that williams-senoma cooking classes when i return from KL.
Ms J at 8:15 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
The To-Be-Two Birthday Party
I have immersed myself in a little mini project - organising a To Be Two birthday party for BabyJ in Kuala Lumpur. We reckon on his actual birthday in December, he would inevitably be sharing the limelight with a 2 week old sibling and so this is one last chance to bask in the attention of being an only child. Of course, this is also a wonderful opportunity to host a simple do for all my friends and family.I have sent the e-vite and finalised menu but i have no idea on my budget and caterers. If any of you can recommend a good caterer that can also provide a canopy/chairs etc, i'd like to hear from you. Organising a party from across the pond aint easy and i'd like to minimise the stress when i am already in the City.
I can of course commission the services of an event planner but hey, the kid is not even two yet, lets not spoil him and mommy's on a budget.
so here's the e-vite i sent to my guests - those who know me personally before this blog came into being, please check your emails.
Host:
Parents: J and J JXXXXsen, Grandauntie XXXX and Granduncle XXXX
Location:
XXXXXXX
When:
Sunday, June 15, 3:00PM to 6:00PM
Phone:
+6017XXXXXX
Hello loved ones,We request the pleasure of your company at an early celebration of JR's 2nd birthday in Kuala Lumpur. This will also be an opportunity for him to meet his many malaysian friends and relatives and for us to enjoy an afternoon of malaysian food and drinks.
As we are keeping our return flight light, please do not come bearing birthday gifts. Instead, a small donation to Majlis Kanser Nasional - MAKNA (http://www.makna.org.my)) in honor of John Reza's maternal grandmother would be a wonderful gesture of your generosity. A donation box will also available on the day of the party for cash donations to the organisation.
Please reply ONLY via e-vite by 28th MAY. Please note also that my KL phone number will only be activated on XXX May.We look forward to seeing you at the party!!!
I cant wait!
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a heads-up to my old school friend who left a message on the previous posting - please write me your contact email . you will find my email address at the topleft of this blog.
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My stomach seems to have grown exponentially this weekend - i can eat only a little an i feel like i have crammed too much baby, food and intestines all in one small part of my middle. I dont know how some very lucky pregnant women can keep an envious glow about them but i am not one of those. When i was carrying BabyJ at 2.5 months, i hardly look pregnant - heck i simply look like i had a beer gut but with numero dos, even the checkout lady at my grocery store asked if i wanted an ice cream for 'that baby you have in there'.
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For my mother's day, the best gift i had was not the iphone though i'd be lying (an ungrateful) if i claim i wasnt well chuffed by the gift. On the morning of Mothering Sunday, as we all hung out in bed- i asked BabyJ 'where's your tummy?' as i do 20thousand times day.Half expecting him to jump on me or ignore the question as he always did, he turned around, gave me his grin, lifted up his pajama top and showed me his belly.
I dont know if i wanted to cry or laugh but it was the simplest gesture from my son that makes the best gift to this mommy.
Ms J at 11:09 AM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Ghoti Nan Dalam Oven
This is babyJ who is beginning to mimic everything i do - from talking on his (toy) cellphone, to sweeping the floor with his own toy broom, to brushing his hair and heck, i even caught him adopting my facial expression when he laugh - the scrunching of the nose and wide toothy grin - cute on him but not on me (and i didnt know it for the last 36 years i have been smiling like that).
This week he's big into wearing my pink shower cap. In this picture, he looks like a gay baker boy.
I must remind myself not to put n my lipstick and powder while my son watches me.... (remember the opening scene of Running With Scissors?)
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This week also saw an online argument i had with a close friend, a verbal wrestle, exchanges of angry words, tangoing back and forth on you said i saids and what have yous - we have since 'made up' and have been treading on thin ice lest we upset each other again. The issue at hand has since been shelved to the background, mutually agreed not to be mentioned again. I dont know if certain topics should be shared only with people in similar situations - as no one can fully understand one's sentiments unless in similar shoes, or it may also be a case of 'lost in cyber translation' - one party making comments in jest and another not taking the tickle. all it could simply be a case of PMS on one side and pregnancy hormone on the other clashing in our universe.
Some friends you can afford to have a fall out with, others are simply too precious. The big difference between the two types is one is prepared to swallow pride and apologise, and the other not. I dont deal with the latter...and so we learn that real friendship is not about constant 'i love you xox-es' but about agreeing to disagree and move on.
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This week i am also feeling grateful for living in suburbia. We visited our newly opened local community centre and library and i was thrilled by the facilities and minimal charges for its residence. Now, not only do we have the full benefits of the local clubhouse but also the local community centre where i can drop off BabyJ at the 'kid station' for a small fee of 3USD per hour and head to the gym, or sign up for a class, or take babyJ to the swimming pool with a wonderful kiddy area complete with slides and splashes. I cannot imagine these facilities in a big city without having to fork out a chunk for membership. The library also has a wonderful storytime hour for tots and a lovely magazine area by a nice fireplace.
So for this summer, before i become immobilised with a toddler and an infant for a few months, we are signed up for baby and me yoga classes, African Dance Movement, music class and swimming class.
If you hear me cry of boredom this summer, shoot me already.
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I have been enjoying the company of my new mom friend whom i have yet to discover any unappealing trait in, and i presume likewise for her. It feels almost like a love affair we have and i am trying to not get too close too soon - a sure fire way of losing momentum after a few months of 'courtship'.
It is funny how you tend to make more friends when you are in the company of another, as opposed to being alone and trying to meet people. Not that different from the dating scene really - when you are with a date, someone else always seem to find you appealing but when you are single, you dry up and no one consider you worth looking at (which probably explained my serial dating and boyfriend hopping habits of yesteryears)
So when T and I go to the parks or join mommy groups - there is always other (used to be) snooty moms who will approach us - this hardly ever happen whe i am alone and likewise for T. So we are now a 'double act' and i hope this double act performance continue for a long time.
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A friend here had shared with me her deep dark secret over lunch - date raped at 16, leading to pregnancy and adoption. If i think my life is one roller coaster ride, think again MissJ - this woman is a survivor by its very definition. She fought the odds to find hapiness and it may have taken her 30 years and a big scar in her heart but she is now a happy wife and a mother (and that's not to assume a sign of success by every person's benchmark of course), a million dollar home, the nice car and the career success she had.
I often feel very privileged to meet people who had fought the odds to be where they are - i think these people are inspiring and CHOOSE to be happy.
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For my mother's day present, my boys had gotten me a nice little gadget that's probably a tad too snazzy for this semi-IT illiterate ex IBMmer. Also, i dont have that many friends in the US to be hanging on the fancy phone 24/7 but when you get such a gadgetry treat - accept with open arms and a grateful smile.
I can now read your blogs on my phone, update my facebook, watch a movie, download itunes, access my 2 email accounts and check MrJ's stocks all from my phone. And after an online tutorial, a long phonecall with customer service and a one on one 101Session with the Apple folks, i am beginning to appreciate the concept of 'apples and oranges (microsoft)'. You cant sync up your hotmail account to iphone unless you upgrade to a paid hotmail account, you cant sync up your Microsoft Outlook calender unless you have the absolute latest version but hey, you can do everything if you own an imac.
and that aint gonna happen in my lifetime.
And here's an email i sent to an ex collegue of mine back in KL - he's a very accomplished managing consultant who travels to europe a lot for his technical skills and i absolutely love talking to him in our local dialect....
From: @gmail.com
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: apa habaq
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 21:54:07 +0800
hello oghang peghelih
apa habaq? ni chek nak bukak ceghita sikit na, tapi sat saja la pasai anak dok keghiyau mintak susu..
chek balik kampung (jejak sampai pekan kolumpoq saja tak balik utagha) mulai daghi xx bulan May sampai xx june - chek balik bawak yang kechik saja, paknya chek tinggai sini supaya dia main golf pueh pueh
chek dok di hotel xxxxxx so haghap tu dapat la jumpa hang noh - kita cheloteh sambey makan mempelam mau dak?
also chek nak habaq kata la ni chek ada ghoti nan dalam oven dah nak masok 3 bulan dah - sejak tinggai konsulting tak sangka bukak kilang budak.
ok mintak mai nombot talipo nanti chek sampai sana chek talipon/hantaq email lagi sekali. haghap haghap tu hang tak la sebok mana mana noh
xox
j
you can take the girl out of the north but you cant take the north out of the girl...betui dak?
Ms J at 1:20 PM
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Resting Place
One of the first things i did as soon as my KL trip was finalised last week was to organise a trip to my mother's grave with my siblings. It was one of the top 3 Must Do list in this forthcoming visit - just after 'passport renewal' and before 'satay kajang'.
My siblings informed me that the graveyard area has been out of bounds for the last few months due to the constuction of a new TESCO in the area. The place had been locked up, and the road leading to the yard is sodden with mud from heavy use by lorries and consturction vehicles. I was told that there is no way we should attempt to access the graveyard - it has been fenced and padlocked with no notice up on who to contact for access, when the roads will be opened up to the public again or even a general apology.
I feel so so sad to hear this. It is bad enough that the graveyard sits right next to the municipal council's dumping grounds..and now this. Here we are, a self proclaimed religious nation and this is how the administation treats the resting place of the dead. Surely some provisions could be made to allow visitors to pay their respects to the dead - even a small path kept open to access the yard would have sufficed.
We spend so much money building building places of worship, and talk about the afterlife and yet we pay no respect to the dead. I can only imagine my mother's grave and those there, in a year from now, to be swallowed up by bushes and weed and debris.
Not many middle class families can afford a spot at the more opulent burial grounds of Taman Tun or such well preserved locations and yet, death as in life itself - is all about how much one is worth in the dollars and cents.
I am pacifying myself that my mother will always 'be' with us - even if we cannot physically pay our respects to her but i would have liked the chance of a symbolic meeting with my mother and, like last year, bring the granson she did not get to meet in her life.
sad. A woman who raised 6 educated children, who had been so proud of her home and her family - and now she rest in peace in an fenced in isolated burial grounds next to the dumping grounds and construction site.
Ms J at 7:30 AM
Monday, May 05, 2008
NOT a NIKE plug: Walking on Air
The weekend was a real rollercoaster ride for me - on Saturday, after almsot 3 weeks of constant calls to Singapore Airlines to bring forward our airmiles redemption seat to Kuala Lumpur from August to May, it was finally decided that there are no seats available - yes, free long haul seats fly off like a bride's nightie on wedding night - blink and its gone.
So I had a really foul Friday night - feeling despondent and frustrated. Next year, with an infant and a toddler, it is unlikely that I can make the trip back to Kuala Lumpur - not without dragging MrJ along and I dont want to do that - he has vacation days he would like to save up for our family emergencies and Christmas wih his family so it's too much to expect him to tag along and use up 2 week's worth of vacation days. Also, 'balik kampong' time is my personal time - to be with my MY people - friends and family. If MrJ come along, I'd have to make time to socialise with HIS people in Kuala Lumpur too. selfish of me, i know byt wot the heck. Some distance in a relationship is healthy.
So i was tearful and sad - 2 years away from seeing my siblings and closest friends are jsut too hard to swallow.
On Saturday however, MrJ woke up and said 'we will fix this once and for all - i cannot have you whining like this for 2 years'...and so we started looking at paying flights.
To cut a story short, I am now looking at 3 weeks away from a flight for myself and BabyJ and a 19 night stay at a hotel next to KLCC (hint : NOT The Mandarin, silly!). My mood shot up from the pits of the earth on Friday night to stratospheric proportions in my excitement. My Gaggle of Girls can attest to the bombardment of emails I sent them, my high school mates who - I have not met in 20 years graciously postponed our Carcosa Hi Tea meet up to the weekend of my arrival, I can now plan BabyJ's 'To Be Two' birthday party with his Malaysian aunties and uncles....and all is find and dandy again.
I rang my kid sister at 6am KL time to tell her that she will be seeing me in under 3 weeks and she screamed in disbelief. She had asked to speak to MrJ personally to thank him for this and MrJ cooly replied 'oh dont worry about it Umi, i simply have to send her over to you so she has someone else to nag but me'.
hmm. a little whining goes a long way - but only if you know how to show your gratitude after.
So on Sunday, I told MrJ that it is his day. The weather obligingly cmplied with our mood - bright sunny weather - perfect for a al fresco sushi lunch follwed by Haagen Dasz and a wardrobe makeover for MrJ at Eddie Beuer - cargo shorts, summer shirts and polo Ts (i can now happily cull those Oil Rig logo tshirts he so like from his wardrobe). Then we headed to Ecco and got him a pair of dress shoes and walking shoes...now in times like this, I wish i am a working woman, who can say 'Thank You' to my husband's generosity yesterday by signing the creditcard bill at the store for all his treats...alas, i signed the bill but it comes out from the same koffers - MrJ's hard earned dough. It just doesnt feel quite the same.
My MIL is very please that we have sorted out the flight dilemma. She had told me that if I had insisted on returning to Malaysia in August (as per original plan) at 7 months pregnant, she would have booked a ticket to come along and help on the journey with babyJ.
Very sweet and considerate of her..but dont you think I just made the narrow escape of 'balik kampong' with a heat-sensitive spice-resistant golf-keen Mother In Law in tow???
Now with the unused airmiles from KrisFlyer i have sent a email to my Gaggle of Girls titled 'First Come First Serve: Free Trip to Denver Colorado on Airmiles to care for a postpartum mom..any takers'.
Lets hope I get to see one of my GOGs on my home turf here in November!
**************************
My 90s story will follow after this posting - i simply had to share my excitement in this blog.
Ms J at 6:39 AM
Thursday, May 01, 2008
The 80's
Here are some pictures from the 80s Themed Party I went to recently..everyone took to the theme seriously, whereas I was a little hesitant to show up in fingerless laced Madonna gloves and pop socks in heels..jsut in case everyone else was dressed casually.
Which brings my reflective mood down memory lane - 20 years ago back in the 80s..
In 1980, I was 8 years old and like the rest of the girls, fancied the cutest senior boy in school - Fakaruddi. Rumours had it that he kissed my junior Caucasian girl (who later had her 20 mintues of fame from the David Beckhem/ Malaysian australian model affair) on the cheeks. The rumour, unsubstantiated, spread like wildfire, but more importantly, I realised some boys are just 'too cute' for somebody as plain - and darkskin as me.
In 1982, my parents took us on our first overseas trip - to Perth, Australia. My dad kept reminding us that we 'paid' for the trip ourselves from our fine money - 10cents per Malay word spoken at home. (is it any wonder that i now dream and think in English and translate to Malay when i have to, instead of the other way around?). I hopped on my first 747 and thought..wow, when i grow up i want to be a jet setting stewardess! We went to a vineyard in Fremantle and I had my first drop of red wine, which i thought tasted like vinegar.
In 1984, when msot girls started wearing 'baju kurung' to school, I was still donning the pinafore. In our compulsory religious studies class, i was always poor at my quranic readings and once, the deeply pious Uztaz told me 'awak ni kafir'...for not knowing my Alif, Ba, Ta - the arabic alphabets. I didnt know what the word meant, and looked it up to discover that my teacher had condemned me in class to being burnt in fire in my afterlife. That was my first ever experience at judgemental religous bigots.
In 1985, I went to secondary school and had a combination of teenage acne, chicken pox and measles. I picked and scratched at my scabs and till now, have a less than perfect complexion. When i returned to school after my measles quarantine, i was called 'moonface' for a couple of weeks by nasty boys. I was miserable and thought i will never be a stewardess and fly on a plane ever again. If only someone had reassured me that you dont have to be beautiful in order to be 'beautiful'.
In 1986, I was musti tasking boyfriends - Amax, Zapple, Din, Eddie..the boy with the guitar, the one with the khapchai, the one with the car, and the one that's jsut down right damn sexy in tight pants...i loved them all.
In 1987, I cried my first lost love in the shower at home. Amax, whom i consistently cheated on, was caught dating another junior - always, they were prettier than me (now a screen reporter with TV3) . I saw all the fault with him (why did he cheat on me), but never with me (i cheated on him first).
In 1988, I started my 4th form year at Tunku Kurshiah College - for the first time, I was a small fish in a big pond. The girls were prettier, more elequent, more worldly than i could ever imagine myself to be. I felt like the country bumpkin - having my first taste of Big Mac and Mars Bars and Ferrero Rocher.
In 1987, I was scrambling for my big exams SPM that chart my future forever. I studied past lights off by the dormitary corridor - i shut out everybody and focussed. I belonged to a 'gang' in school and made a pact before school ended that whoever lose their virginity first is the coolest girl in the gang.
In 1988, while waiting for my exams result, i was interning at my dad's friend's insurance company. I was 17 going on 18 and Zul was 27 - a client of the company. I was swooned by his good looks and charm...and gave him my virginity. I called up my gang and told them the fate of my 'Pearl of the Orient'..only to lose out to another gang member. By a day.
In 1989, I went to a prep college for my A Levels studies. I was back to being the ugly kid in a class full of beautiful girls - tall, elegant, funny, cute, prosperous, mixed blood...they were everything i was not. I loathed my A-level years in prep college because i was a nobody, the girl no boy fancied..I became the class bookworm because all i wanted to do wa get out of the country and runaway. I wished i knew then on hindsight that those 2 years brought me not only my Gaggle of Girls but also a whole bunch of friends i now adore, if only i lose my 'small town hangups' .
Forward a couple of years, I arrived in Heathrow expecting, naively, that my university ground will be right next to Buckingham Palace and i wake up everymorning waving to the queen and her merry men. Instead, the taxi took me to Queen Mary & Westfield, a University Of London on Mile End Road, a little Karachi - where I did my undergraduate for 3 years and promised myself I must find myself a university in the real london and not this little curry place. it was 3 years later before I was accepted to LSE, smack in the city. but that's into the 90s....
do you want to know the story of the next decade?
Ms J at 8:12 PM
