Friday, September 30, 2005
What A Big Bad Small World It Is
Once upon a time in a previous lifetime (and lifestyle) post husbands #1 and #2 and boyfriend #3 MEGA heartbreak and pre hospital trips, ailing mum and baby sitting kid sister..Miss J used to be quite a naughty lil minx and used to have shenanigans not the type to be shared at polite dinner parties. Amongst one of Miss J's more colourful male companions (FBs, FIF whatever you wish to call it) is a rather delectable cigar smokin' hot italiano (see posting The Story Of Max) .I have now just found out from a cute adorable colleague (you know who you are, hunny) that Hot Italiano used to *also* date a girl said colleague knew - a classic case of 6 Degrees of Separation indeed - also found out Max went through the same rigmoral to bed his other women (no surprises there)....wine, home cooked carbonara, gelato, movie on the home theatre...
What a big bad world it is out there. Full of wolves with fangs and men with dicks.
What a small world it is. A little of your past tend to always catch up with you.
*for the record (and the ego) Miss J dropped Max after a couple of months.
Ms J at 12:49 AM
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Don’t Cha!*
Off to be a booth-bitch at TheFirm’s 3 x 3m prison cell at an Expo in town today.Cards to hand out, fake smiles to give, brochures to be passed around, polite conversations to be had.
No sir, you cannot patent your trademark. And no, you cannot copyright your patent either. (Are you daft??**)
And only one sweet per person please, unless you are really cute. In which case please *do* give me your card.
(*been listening to this Pussycat Dolls’ song – a v good way to start and end the day, and anytime in between!)
(** - if you are not sure, please do not use words you don't understand)
lita at 10:03 PM
Mee Sup, Mee Kuah, Mee Curry
Mama's been craving for all of the above from her hospital bed - bless her. At first it was cute - so I dutifully sourced for the nicest Mee Sup I can find this side of Ampang, and hand delivered piping hot to Hospital Bed #0808.But after 3 days of consecutive mee sup, mee kuah and mee curry - I told her off (as nicely as I can) for overdoing it. Its TOUGH LOVE in action - we cannot have her with tummy aches, stomach pains or bladder problems. Not in her fragile state. though we are happy she is slowly gaining her appetite again.
How do you balance between looking after you mum's best interest and spoiling her and making all her small wishes come through?
When is Tough Love too tough, it can seem mean?
*****************
Have decided to tell Rod Steward he is no longer welcomed in my life.
Because he failed his probation period.
I am not getting the support I think I should have from someone who wanted to date me exclusively.
So now I know it is only because he wants to own me - not have to share Miss J's company with other male companions. It is all about ego and nothing about wanting me for me. Being by my side during tough times.
Not even a phone call to convey sympathy over my circumstances? The occasional text messages just wont wash with me - this is my mum I am fretting over, not an ailing pet cat.
Ms J at 5:40 AM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
www.web-stream.co.uk
pluggin' a mate's web biz.Planman, where's my commission?
Ms J at 11:12 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Soliciting the Solicitor
Today I received a complimentary copy of The Economist in the mail covering my birthday week (Sept. 10 – 16).Unfortunately, the accompanying note says that this is my last complimentary issue, despite it being my very first. I have a mind to complain to Tim Pinnegar (Publisher, Asia Pacific) and demand the other copies.
BUT, my name is spelt right (for once) and I have, apparently, been elevated to the status of Director of TheFirm.
Dontcha just *love* unsolicited mail and the sharing of personal information??
lita at 9:10 PM
The Lady Boss
End of day, after a taxing conferance call with NL, checking through To Do List, realising there was not much progress made, Miss J decided to head home early today, but not after the following e-mail exchanges with LadyBoss (she who is nearing 50 but is hotter than the chicks you find at Beach Club - I guess having a hot Scandinavian husband has something to do with it?)Miss J:
....please find attached feedback document to Functional Deliverable Team on all the Support Tools,templates, escalation scripts, resp matrix, FAQ logs as found in bla bla ya da ya da bleurgh bleurgh...
Lady Boss:
I cant open file ... its 32Kb.... Betul tak?
Miss J:
Tidak....file itu 57KB, mungkin terlalu tinggi kot.
Tidak apa, saya zip kan untuk puan, macam ini............ :-)
Lady Boss:
No.. the file is not too big. Please unzip and send. I cannot open the zipped file
Miss J: (muttering under her breath...lerrrrr)
unzipped for your viewing pleasure :-)
Ms J at 5:12 AM
Monday, September 26, 2005
Testing Times, Testing Friendship
In times of personal tragedy, you cant help but *expect* something from people you call FRIENDS. A little understanding, some moral support, offer of genuine help, care and concern...even a seemingly strong, independant, detached girl (bah humbug..if you really think I am all I potray, you dont know me) like Miss J needs some TLC from people she call FRIENDS.So it came with quiet disappointment when FRIENDS you consider close to heart, fall short of expectations, whilst those you thought of as passing friends, acquired in the course of work, similarity in interests, acquintance even - surprise you with heart-warming gestures. It is then that you realise testing times test the true nature of friendship.
In times of tragedy, FRIENDS from yonder years come out of their woodworks (and lost worlds called Work) to convey their sympathy. They called, they texted, the wrote, they sent flowers - not once while the news is still hot , but weeks after..they persevered and offered real help. People like Lita, Pink Lady, CatLover, S - even men whom I thought are passing interests (them in me or likewise) - a long thoughtful e-mail from MrCorrBlimey in Singapore, calls from Belgium Waffle, TheSurgeon in UK, The Captain, the young Austrian lad I frolicked with one cold windy night on foreign shores...people surpise me with their reactions to my family tragedy.
Then there are those I thought of as close, as almost like sisters or as the case may be, as lovers/ boyfriend who sent the occasional text with a 'hey how are you doin babe', as if my mother dying and plans for the next watering hole on a Friday Night can be one of the same.
Ms J at 5:22 AM
Laughter in the midst of Crisis
I took my baby sister (well, she is 13 actually - and wears shoes 1 size bigger than me) out yesterday to take her mind off things - hospitals can be toxic to a pre-teen if you spend 24/7 cooped up with an ailing mum.Lita being the dear friend that she is, was with me to help entertain Umi - first to IKEA where Umi witnessed 2 old gals that we are, bahaving like pre pre-teens (yes, we stalked a rather delicious looking boy Lightings to Housewares), then gasped in horrow to see me pay up good mullahs for a couple of light bulbs (and a to die-for cast iron-ish chandelier that will make my new bedroom look like a chapel and me the Madonna), then to The Curve for a couple of shots of wheatgrass drinks with orangebites a la tequila slammer, and finally....her reward for being a good, good girl..a pair of shoes she totally dig.
Driving Umi back to the hospital yesterday, I asked her how she rated her Sunday with Big Sister. A resolute 8/10 was given. Why? Why not 10/10? I had fun. Lita had fun. We both had fun with you?
She answered sheepishly "Oh..I think it would have been nice if I have a boyfriend..."
I cant help but smile to myself thinking of her answer - my baby sister's growing up real fast.
Ms J at 4:28 AM
Friday, September 23, 2005
Tough Love
Last night at the hospital I told my mum she has Cancer, and that it is bad, and that things will not be easy from now on...I told her to prepare herself- spiritually, emotionally, physically - for what's to come.I told her everything about her illness, but not once did I use the words Death, or Stage 4, or Terminal. But I know that she knows what it really means.
Then I told my kid sister a different story.
Verbatim:
"Umi, mama has cancer, like i said that nite...but you know, its ok tau..sebab when I talk to other people, they tell me about family members they have who has some illness too like cancer and they do gt better..so jangan worry na, sebab everything is fine. mama will get better, you just have to be patient. These things happen when people get older so its normal but we have kak linda and kak juju and abang amin and hylda so we will get good medicine for mama ok. you just be a good girl and make mama happy and everythnig will be fine ok?
I said a lot of words to my baby sister. I just kept lying to her that everything will be fine. And she's happier last night when I left the hospital because she honestly believed me when I told her her mum is going to get better.
I lied and Umi believed me.
Ms J at 5:30 AM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Beginning of The End
"Sections show biopsy fragments with lamellar bone containing metastatic carcinoma deposits with desmoplastic fibrosis. Carcinoma cells with vacuolsted cytoplasma have pleomorphic,hyperchromatic nuclei and prominent nucleoli. These cells form solid groups and poor gland-like structures."My mum's biopsy results finally came through.
Our worst fear is now confirmed.
It is CANCER STAGE 4.
How do I break the news to her?
Is there really a God out there - robbing a family of their sole pillar of strength, causing her pain, putting my 13 year old kid sister through quiet agony, my family members - distress, my dad - guilt, dont talk to me about faith, about miracles - this is my reality.
Ms J at 1:52 AM
Beautiful Things
On the very day I signed the documents to release my old car and drive my new one to the office, I received an invitation in the mail.R, my ex-colleague and good friend, is getting married.
He was the person I called when, on my first day of driving the WitCH to work more than seven years ago, I reversed (at full speed) into a stationary Kancil in the parking lot. My victim called her “rescuer”; R was mine. And so you had two very nervous women on the verge of tears in that parking lot, and two grinning guys.
I still owe him dinner at Rama V for that.
He was also fond of finding fault with every woman I tried to set him up with – too short, too booby (yes you read right), bit crossed eyed, crooked teeth, etc, etc. His ex, you see, was a model.
His future wife, on the other hand, is at least a foot shorter than him, and is far from perfect.
And yet I could tell from the kiss he planted on the top of her head at the mall in the middle of everything and in front of everyone, that in some inexplicable way, she was perfect for him.
My new car - like Steve Buscemi’s character in the Coen Brother’s movie Fargo - is kinda “funny looking”. It is as far removed from my dream car the Peugeot 206 as you can possibly get.
But I find myself liking it more, and finding more about it to like, each day. I think I might even grow to love it in time, looks notwithstanding.
Which just goes to show that what you want and think you deserve, and what you can get and is actually better for you, are almost never the same thing.
lita at 12:05 AM
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
There is nothing that can make you feel more useless than watching someone you love suffer and be powerless to help.I wish there is something that I can do.
I wish I could take some of the pain and troubles away.
I wish none of this was happening.
I wish…
lita at 7:16 PM
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe [Part 2]
It was supposed to be a leisurely-ish Sunday, with me taking my normal 6 – 7 hours to finish my laundry, in between games of Literati, culminating with Stomp at 3pm.
And then…
I found out I had to cook lunch. And Mr Lee my car salesman called to say my new car is ready to be picked up. Tick tock tick tock. Rinsed clothes. Cut up meat and sautéed onions, chilli. Rushed back to pc to continue game. Cooked beef and added yogurt. Hung clothes out to dry. Forfeited Literati game even though ahead and with only 4 letters remaining. Hurried brother to drive to Taman Tun to pick up new car. Checked out car not believing it’s ready so darned fast. Drove straight from showroom to Istana Budaya in new car with seats still swathed in plastic. Managed to find parking without throwing up in new car or scratching it. Called AyahCha. Waved enthusiastically at AyahCha across car park. Found TheRose. Had GroupHug. Showed tickets to usher. Got sniggered at by usher for having temerity to be on Level One when tix were for Upper Circle/Level 3. Shot daggers at usher and plotted his downfall. Squinted at performance from the heavens and imagined one of Stomp performers to be rather scrumplicious. Thoroughly enjoyed show, though shorter and quieter than expected. Had salty food and saltier conversation at cafeteria. Said goodbyes. Drove home in slow motion. Called miss j to check how she was, bad reception, got cut off. Reached house, ready for nasty comments from family on look of car but impervious by then. Tore off plastic from new car. It’s arrived.
*********
Removed 18 pairs of various shoes/sandals, jacket, two umbrellas, swimming stuff, running stuff, rock climbing shoes, skipping rope, callanetics exercise book, cds, torchlight, hand lotion, name cards, smart tag, season parking card, extra house keys, sun visors, car stickers, wooden Austrian witch’s head (part of whole witch), stone scarab and 7 years of memories from the other car.
Accidents (2), fights, tears, confessions, phone calls, solitary drives, surreal incident involving a green sequined La Senza bra, more tears, not-so-solitary drives, squeaks, shakes and other vehicular orchestral manoeuvres; taking the long slow road home, always.
Had lump in throat at end of evening and had to sit still for a bit.
*********
Signed documents to transfer car the next morning.
Farewell my little teenage WitCH. You never once failed me and shall be deeply missed. May your new owner appreciates you as much as I did and treat you even better.
lita at 5:32 AM
Friday, September 16, 2005
Scared of the Future
My world is falling apart and I am lost.Ms J at 5:17 AM
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Buying My Own Bracelet* **
“Would u like 2 c stomp here in kl? Sept 13 to 25th. I get u 2 tix.U can bring me also if u’d like. Only if u’d like 2 :-)”
It was, I thought, a very sweet text message.
Sent by D&G to me at the end of June, four days after our first date; a day after our second.
It made me smile. It made me nervous.
Being a bit more realistic (or perhaps I was prophesising the end?), I replied that it was a long way off, but if he still wanted me to go with him come September, then yes I would.
He bought the tickets the very next day. And even called from Istana Budaya to tell me.
It’s so very easy to get carried away with things. And let yourself be swept off your feet. And forget to remain grounded at all times that you soar so high the fall, when it comes, damages you far more than it has any right to.
I can’t help but wonder if he will think of me at all when he goes to see the show this Saturday. And about the person who will be sitting in what would have been my seat. And if she knows who it was originally for. And why.
After, I thought of going to see it anyway. On my own if need be. The masochist in me even considered getting tickets for the same day and time. But I’m not that strong. Not really.
So I got tickets for Sunday instead. With friends.
And hopefully then, I will finally have my closure.
(*alternative title - Excuse Me You’re Sitting in My Seat!!)
(** 'Buy Your Own Bracelet' is a trademark of Fazu.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved)
lita at 7:11 PM
Monday, September 12, 2005
Decisions, Decisions...
“I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples bastards and broken things”.So says Tyrion Lannister, a character I absolutely love in George R. R. Martin’s ‘A Game of Thrones’, himself a stunted dwarf of astonishing intelligence, wit and resolve, and unsurpassed hideousness.
Is it then any wonder I have decided (98.99%) to get myself the Honda City, a car by all accounts superior but, as my dad helpfully terms it, “plug ugly”.
I was dangerously close to considering the Toyota Vios but sanity prevailed. Buying a car endorsed by Britney Spears may mean I have to change my name and go into hiding – from myself.
I had weighed the pros and cons and weighed the pros and cons again. And again. And again.
The decision was also in part due to the high praises of the Cycling God of Taman Tun - the only person I (kinda) know who owns the car (then again is it wise to trust the words of someone who prefers to ride bicycles??).
Plus my cousin, who also very expressively says the City is "ugly as hell", admitted (somewhat reluctantly) that it drives better than his much more expensive Honda Civic.
And so I made the (long delayed) call to Honda Ampang (where I had gone in at least three times in the past year) to ask if they still have stock of the car.
“Oh, we have no more stock la, we are launching the new version in October. The price ah? It will increase by not more than RM 5000. You want?”
Wouldn’t it???
lita at 10:59 PM
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Being a Blog Whore
A few more hits to make the 3000 readership mark...c'mon all you 5 readers out there..keep entering me everyday and help boost my vanity (ok, Miss J is at least sincere enough to admit this blog is an ego-booster and ups her mood when she's feeling down).
Picture was posted with sole intention of boosting hits but this may be counter productive as all and sundry will now realise Miss J is pretty everyday workaday kindaf lass (chubby thighs and flabby arms and all..but yes, can be nice to bite if you're into that kindaf thang).... remember the SarongPartyGirl website (http://www.sarongpartygirl.blogspot.com/)and all the fraca arising from her putting up pics in blog...she aint such a hot chick afterall but boy isnt she one helluva writer ey. I so admire women who is true to themselves - especially when they are as dazed and confused as Miss J is.
Ms J at 1:37 AM
Changing My Religion....
...from a true advocate of Toni & Guys to Peekaboo Hairdressing Salon.Tosha my darling stylist, you are adorable and sexy with your leather and ciggie scent but I now have to temporarily leave you for the cheaper stylist that is Shawn of Peekaboo. I love you still for the hour long attention you give to my tresses (ok its actually dry course porous hair but this is my blog and MY fantasy world), snipping every strand like it was Ming-dynasty silk threads....but my apartment renovations are taking the bulk of my LGF* and so I have to downscale to the bespectacled tattoed flirtatious competitor of yours that is Shawn. He who does quickies (15 mins to trim my hair and that is all!) and no tender loving words thereafter. He who does The Job and move on to the next girl. Next. and Next again. He of the Snip Snip Thank You Mam.
It is not unlike changing lovers - from one who takes his time to touch and caress, fingers* you, and touches your scalp sensously, with lashings of sweet words and undivided attention (*your hair) ... to one who simply talks dirty for 5 mins and give you one big bang (snip)...
*LGF a.k.a Look Good Funds
Miss J is at the office on a Sunday afternoon preparing some presentation decks for a conf-call with Oceania on Tuesday...please pardon the innuendoes. It is capital B-boring when she works hard for her money.
Ms J at 12:31 AM
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Happy Birthday Lita!
Happy *belated* birthday to you~ (everybody say thank you to Friendster!)Wishing you many happy returns and all the love in the world!
Music Video Codes By VideoCodeZone.com
Free Image Hosting By MySpacePhoto.com
Love and Memories at 9:26 AM
Thursday, September 08, 2005
The Stay-At-Home-September
Setting up new apartment to be in moving-in state can be costly to one who already lives beyond her means. This is my lament to Lita today via email...oh, i have just had a call from my beloved contractor (thereanafter, Mr Jim-Will_Fixit) and, with all his zealousness to please me, he had efficiently finished jobs within 5 days and now i am in deep shit to pay him the following:
Wiring : RM500
Cornices / plaster ceiling: RM1800
Grill: RM1250
All due this Saturday
I now have to fork out RM3550 by Saturday.
Damn.
Its going to be a stay at home September.
Your personal birthday present from me will be coming only in October - hopefully from NL.
sorry sweetie.
Poor and dalipitated (or is it dilapitated..or dilipitated??eh)
Miss J
Her reply...
Hrrm, personally, I'd have opted out of the plaster ceilings coz its a darned luxury, but what they hey, its your luxury!!
No worries about pressie babe, your company is sufficient!
Its "dilapidated", but you're not.
luv
Lita
Isnt she the sweetest? Miss J is poor this month but rich with friendship. That's really what matters, innit?
Lita's birthday celebration this Friday nite with the gang - we are so going to have fun.
(shall I pass the hat around...all donations to ''Roof Over J's Head" will be greatly appreciated - denominations in large notes only , USD, Sterling and Euros preferred, no small change given, AMEX and VISA also accepted, no sex given in exchange)
Ms J at 1:07 AM
Monday, September 05, 2005
To Play or Not to Play...
Going home last night I was feeling a wee bit melancholy, so when the Cat-that-is-not-our-cat greeted me as usual I, against my better judgment, sat down and played with it, and let it sit on my lap for a few minutes longer than I normally would while stroking its pale grey fur.Being allergic to cats since I was 13, this wasn't the smartest thing for me to do.
30-or so sneezes later, I had a runny nose, a teary eye (yes, one teary eye), a cough, felt as if I had a frog down my throat and sounded like a man. The only thing missing was the rashes on my arms.
That'll teach me to play with things I know I shouldn't...
lita at 7:00 PM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
The (Other) Text Message
This is the text sent by my sister to me on Saturday morning:Last night dreamt you got engaged to a 24 year old boy. Please confirm.
Eh??
lita at 3:45 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
The Lion, (The Witch and the Wardrobe) [part 1]
I was born with curly hair.Until I was in my early twenties, I considered it a curse. Both my brother and sister at least got to enjoy dead straight hair for the first few years of their lives before the kink factor kicked in. Not so yours truly.
And then I went to England, the land of low humidity, cheap hair serums and wonderful hairdressers.
Where Callum, quite possibly the only man who truly appreciated and understood my hair, spent more than an hour patiently drying and twirling my curls with his bare fingers while explaining his technique through an interpreter to a roomful of Italian hairstylists at the Vidal Sassoon Academy (not to be confused with Vidal Sassoon Salon – the Academy is where poor students go for a 3 quid haircut by the instructors and effectively become guinea pigs).
Back home, reality and frustration (not to mention humidity) finally set in. Not only did I not have a significant other to run his fingers through my hair (or Callum, for that matter), I couldn’t even run my own fingers through it.
The pressure was so much that for my call to the Bar, I had my hair blown straight; the result of which was that for what was (then) the most important day of my life, I didn’t even look like me.
I then swore I’d never fully straighten it.
Never say never, they say.
It’s been six months now and my curls are growing back out again. I’m scared to go to my hairdresser; fearing the temptation would be too great and I’d break down and ask him to straighten it again.
It's hard to let go of finally looking just like everybody else, after a lifetime of being different.
But if I were to be truly honest with myself, what I really want is to be accepted and loved for who and what I am, messy hair and all.
So if you should see a harassed looking Simba-like creature with a shaggy mane, have a heart.
It's just me, trying to find (and accept) myself all over again.Wish me luck! : )
lita at 7:10 PM
The (not) Everlasting Love...
He came back from U.A.E for his summer break in Malaysia. He was here for many weeks. He was staying down the road from my home.And he never once attempted contact with me.
This is the man who promised me everlasting love when we were first married. He was my ex husband #2.
*and I am angry with myself for still hoping he would make contact - even a text message, we dont have to meet - that will bring on the wrath of TheFirstWife..but not even a call? Was it because I told him I will meet him (because occasionally I missed him, when I miss being loved by someone) but will not sleep with him. Or could it be that there is no such thing as everlasting love? I am inclined to belief the latter.
Ms J at 4:33 AM
Bushed, Beat and Blasted
At the end of an important go-live week for the work Miss J does, she's totally bushed, feels dead beat but had a blast of a succesful roll-out. Staying at the office till 02:30am on a public holiday to prepare for cut-over, and trying desperately to hold everything together, with all eyes watching how Asia-Pac Oceania copes with the launch - it aint easy baby but what a great satisfaction it all was when Miss J received congratulatory emails from the big wigs, calls from Europe, a text message hug from Antonio Banderas and recognition from KL bosses of work done. Then it all seems worth the aggro afterall.Miss J can now catch up on her much needed sleep. The last few days had been a 'paperbag on head' day - Miss J feels and look like a zombie and can hardly look up to any attractive male species and flash a smile lest he squirms in horror at eye bags, spotted chin, frazzled hair and tired eyes that is Miss J's.
Please can I have a hug, I have been a hard little worker I have.
*******************
September seems like a potentially busy month if Miss J is not strong enough to resist hedonistic temptations....
CheczhMate is back on the radar, asking to meet up for dinner next week....
RodSteward - who is a pseudo-boyfriend thingie magie (pseudo because there are unfinished business to discuss on scope of relationship - in true consultant style, Miss J needs to define scoping and terms of engagement before committing to anything that can potentially hurt the HEART) - will make a special trip to KL to see Miss J post go-live.
The American is coming from HK for a business trip and we may do the beach together somewhere anywhere (Miss J needs a holiday, it has been 2 months since the last sun and sea)
Also, some interesting work people to meet up and socialise with.. ...ah what is a girl to do when there are too many men, too little time....but (un)fortunately too many zits on the face to feel truly attractive so perhaps Miss J should just stay in all September and be a good gal - at least till her complexion clears up.
Damn...bloody 33 years old and still nursing a pimple on the nose. What am I like???
Ms J at 3:21 AM
